FATTY - 8 WEEKS, 4 DAYS

I'm still indulging! I think when you are feeling fat and frumpy you just think, one more biscuit aint gonna hurt, I'm already fat so it wont make any difference. Once I can get past that, I can still indulge phase, then I should be able to get back on track. I know I will feel so much better and happier once I am in some nice jeans and some good fitting tops. Perhaps I can then make the effort to make myself look like a yummy Mummy!

Enough about me, Leo is wicked! He such a sweet little boy but I can tell he is going to be a cheeky monkey. He has an amazing smile and I just love his huge frown.

My routine seems to be going well with him and he is settling down before 8pm nearly every night now. After that he has only twice woken up before midnight. This is allowing me to have my first night out tomorrow night, to see Harry Potter. I so hope I don't fall asleep! I am already thinking about what I can indulge in though, how naughty is that?

Received a text message rather early this morning and I just knew it would be from Sophie, one of my active birthing Mummy friends. Her due date was Ellis' birthday, 5th August but she gave birth, at home, this morning to a 7lb 12oz boy called Ted William. I so can't wait to meet him and I am really happy that she had a good birth. Congratulations Sophie! xxx

I accidentally cut the top of Leo's thumb this morning. Boy did he cry and make me feel really really guilty about it. I hated it and I kept saying sorry to him.

He is doing really well holding his head up now and can do it for a long time. I have only laid him on his front a couple of times but he doesn't seem to be able to lift it up yet. I will have to try it more often.

He is falling into a bit of a routine and thankfully it seems to follow Ellis a bit. He wakes at about 5 for a feed and then again at 6ish which is when I bring him in bed with me, a habit I need to stop really.

He feeds at 8am then again at 10am and then usually sleeps from about 10:30 to 11:30 which is Ellis' nap time too. I tend to use this time to have a sit down and check my e-mails etc. It doesn't always work out like that obviously.

While Ellis napped yesterday I took a small video of Leo on his play mat.



The jabs don't seem to have effected him yet. He had a red lump on one leg for a day but that has already gone and I haven't noticed that he has a temperature. His behaviour is pretty much the same too but he did go a long time the other night so that might be because of it. It isn't long until he has to go through it all again.

I have started to put Leo in outfits a lot more but I find it makes him look bigger and older and I don't want to do that. I want him to stay a baby as long as possible. It's strange because with Ellis I always wanted him to progress and to be at the next stage but it is completely opposite with Leo. I do still feel like there is room for one more in this family.

Leo is very long, and is growing out of the crib a little too quickly. I'm not sure what we are going to do about beds. I might see if I can buy a second hand cot/cot bed for Leo's room. I'm just not ready to put Ellis in a bed, especially as he is waking up so bloody early. Not sure what to do yet but have to think about it soon.

He is still in size 2 nappies but I have bought size 3 already. He doesn't actually poo that much. Maybe twice a day, if that. He isn't as windy as he used to be either but he does need to be winded after every feed, Ellis didn't need to be.

Right I'm off to bed. Done nothing tonight but blogging.

I can't believe it but I am getting excited about Christmas! Ha ha! Or should that be ho ho!

ALL NIGHT LONG - 8 WEEKS, 3 DAYS

I may have actually dreamt this or was just so tired I didn't realise that I had woken up to feed Leo, but he went from just gone 8pm to 5:36am!

He only stirred this morning and I tried to give him a feed as my boobs were close to exploding but he only wanted a drink before promptly going off to sleep again!

I still can't believe it and like I said, I'm not sure it actually happened or not. I hope it isn't just a one off but Rob is coming home tonight so that may disturb him anyway.

FOOT - 8 WEEKS, 2 DAYS OLD

I absolutely love this photo of Leo's foot that I took today. I might get it blown up and framed.



Just wanted to share it.

FIRST JABS - 8 WEEKS, 1 DAY OLD

If you don't want to read about my bits, I suggest you miss this entry out. This blog is a record for me so I am writing about it.



So, today we had our checks at the doctors.

First up was me. My doctor is amazing and I think she is great, I even told her so. She just makes me feel at ease and that I could talk to her about anything, which is a good thing seeing as that is what she is there for.

I got up on the table and she had a look at the damage. My L shaped tear is very red raw but is healing. She also found another tear, which I didn't know about, at the bottom end that goes up inside. My tears aren't sore on a day to day basis but I wouldn't go prodding them. She said she had assumed I hadn't resumed my sex life yet as it was all looking rather sore. She said sex should be a no, no, unless I wanted to be put off for life. I said I would let my husband know that as he is getting a bit restless.

Unfortuantely due to my tears, she is unable to examine my bladder fully but did say she would phone the physiotherapist to give me a referal so that it can be looked at there too. It is nice to be getting all this help and I should soon be back to normal down there.

I was told to come back in 6 weeks time and was also reminded that it is still early days and the fact that I am so active with 2 children will slow down the healing process. Also the fact that I didn't have that 1 stitch has also slowed down the healing time. If I had known that at hospital I would of had the damn stitch. Live and learn I suppose.

She asked me a few other questions about boobs and contraception and then she moved on to Leo.

As he was weighed yesterday she didn't do it again and I asked about doing his length and she said that it isn't done unless there appears to be a problem. Boo!

The lump in his hand caused by the cannula at hospital has gone down and will disappear altogether over time.

She checked him over and then we moved on to see the nurse for his jabs. The nurse scared me to death by saying that if he has an allergic reaction then it is an emergency situation and that I should get back to the surgery if close by, but if not I should call 999. Then I was told about the red lump and sore legs and to treat it with a cold flannel, also he could get a temperature etc and to treat with Calpol. After all that I didn't want him to have the jabs.

Leo was chewing on his hand, quite happy when the first one went in. The nurse did it quickly and Leo didn't even notice. He swiftly moved on to leg and injection number 2 saying this one stings a bit more. He wasn't kidding as Leo let out a high pitched scream, went red and did the cry where they stop breathing for a bit. I was upset too but held it together for my baby.

I got him home as soon as I could and he was soon kicking away at his toys in his chair.

I went shopping today and bought a few bits for Leo for in the future. The winter coat, I think, will be too big for him but I liked it and it was half price.







Off to check on my little Angels before watching some rubbish then bed.

CAKE - 8 WEEKS OLD

I was gutted this morning when the scales showed that I haven't lost a pound! I have been reasonalby good the last 10 days or so, so was hoping to have lost at least one pound. Ah well, best try harder I think. I need to get my heart rate up to burn some fat. Currently I am doing a lot of physical exercise but it is mainly lifting, so I'm building up muscle again but remaining fat.



Measurements:

Weight = 12st 11lbs
Tummy = 95cm
Upper arm = 29cm
Upper leg = 63.5cm
Ankle = 24cm
Neck = 33cm



Leo was weighed today too. He is now 11lb 13oz which is average for his age. He was also measured, although not that accurately as the health visitor didn't pull his leg straight, at 60cm which is on the 91% line in his red book. So he is doing really well.



The night routine is still going well. He tends to settle around 8pm, sometimes all by himself but usually with a little help. He then doesn't wake until 2am ish although last night it was 12:06am. Very accurate I know but I just remember seeing it on my phone. I do always check what time he wakes anyway. Then it was around 5am and Ellis was awake too!



As Leo was 8 weeks today, I took some macro pictures of his face. I will do the 2 monthly pictures as well.









I did a short video yesterday as I don't want to just suddenly realise that I missed a huge chunk of his life. I love looking back at all the stuff I did when Ellis was a baby. I would love to see what I was like as a baby so I hope the boys like it too when they are older.





Leo pretty much remains in a vest and grow but occasionally I have been putting him in an outfit. I really like this one bought for him by Huw, Nicky, Evie and Ned. It makes him look older though so I quickly put him back into a grow.



I have my 6 week check tomorrow, even though it is actually 8 weeks ago, and Leo has his check and first jab. I hope it goes okay. Will do an update.

He has also had the snuffles for the last few days and has sneezed a lot today. I have cleared his nose out quite a bit with a cotton bud and that seems to help his breathing. He hasn't had any problems feeding which is good news.

Feeling sulky about my weight, so in order to make myself feel better, I ate some more cake! Go figure!

SWINE FLU - 7 WEEKS, 3 DAYS

I'm starting to freak out slightly about swine flu. I'm not really sure why but it might have to do with the fact that I think I have a cold coming. Runny nose, sore throat, bit achy and an annoying cough started last night. I just worry about my babies. I don't want anything to happen to them. I'm sure the parents of the recent swine flu victims didn't think it would happen to them, and now they have to bury their children!

This morning I sorted out some of Leo's clothes. I have kept some newborn and 0-3 month just in case ;o). He is now in 3-6 month grows which look huge! 0-3 vests are still ok.

Had a rough night last night as he woke 4 times and didn't really want to feed that much. I brought him in bed with me and he settled for a while.

Leo seems to be making up for his lack of feeds last night and has fed every 2 hours so far today. We are going out soon so he will probaby sleep in the car.

Need to chill out about swine flu and get on with my weekend.

LONG - 7 WEEKS, 2 DAYS OLD

Been feeling much better this afternoon after having had a chat with Sarah and Sophie, my active birthing Mummy friends.



Leo is now in 3-6 month grows as his feet are just too big for the smaller size. They are huge on him everywhere else but I didn't like his feet being restricted like that.



I really don't want to jinx it but tonight, Leo went down in his cot awake, and whinged himself to sleep. He never really got going with crying so I didn't have to comfort him once. Ace! Plus Ellis went straight to sleep too. How brill!?



Looking forward to seeing my hubby tomorrow.

FOGGY - 7 WEEKS, 2 DAYS OLD

I have a knot in my stomach a frog in my throat and for some reason everything seems kind of foggy today.

Last night went okay. Leo slept from 7:45pm to 3:15am which was brilliant.

I feel so unprepared for today, I'm not my usual organised self and nothing is falling into place. I'm sure I am making more of it then there is.

Last night I was sat with Rob and I said goodnight and I will see you, not tomorrow but the next day. It just suddenly hit me that I was gonna be on my own for all that time with 2 young children. All of a sudden it just felt so daunting and scary. I shook it off and went to bed but the feeling is still slightly haunting me today.

I need Rob around a lot more. I need him to take care of me, but it just isn't possible right now as he has to work to support us. It is a wonderful but tough time to have had baby Leo, and I only hope that the sacrifices being made now make up for the future positives.

I'm so grateful for the support of my friends and my Mum, they have been brill and often offer to help out.

I really don't want to complain or sound needy as I am a strong women doing the best job I can at raising my children. I just wish I could do it all and remain in high spirits.

I'm sure it is just one of those days, and I will watch it pass me by.

NUGGET - 7 WEEKS

Leo is turning out to be quite a charmer. We have been to a couple of parties recently and everyone seems to love him, even though he cried the whole time at one party. I wasn't sure what was wrong with him but he went to bed quite early, so maybe he was just tired.



Had a couple of bad nights in a row now which isn't that great. Not sure if maybe I am doing something different or not.

He loves cuddles! He whinges until you pick him up. It is so hard not to pick him, and to just let him cry it out for a bit. I am trying though as I can't cuddle him all the time, as much as I would love to.



He finds his thumb occasionally and soothes himself to sleep but he hasn't quite worked it all out yet.



Last weekend we all went swimming together as a family. It was hard work but great fun and Leo loves the water. He bobbed about just smiling. I did dunk him and he didn't seem to mind. Getting out was hard as he went purple from the cold straight away and didn't stop crying until he was all wrapped up warm.



He is also having big baths with his brother now. It is really difficult to time it all right but so far it has worked out. He loves it and Ellis doesn't seem to mind.

Current routine is going well, although it still can take him a while to settle down. Last night though he was asleep by 7:15pm and woke up at 1am for his first feed.



I am starting to show signs of fatigue. I can't quite speak or put sentences together, I am extremely forgetful and a bit emotional shall we say.

My e drive in my computer packed up on Saturday and this has been causing me some grief as if the information cannot be retrieved, then I would have lost a few videos and pictures which I find very upsetting. Rob is doing his best to sort it out and I am trying to not think about it just yet but finding it very difficult.



Rob finished off the hand and foot casts last night. They are really good and I love them. I'm so glad he put the effort in to do it.



As for me, I'm still not feeling that great about me, pretty minging in fact. I hate that I can't stop eating crap! I'm sure I have put on weight since coming out of hospital and I don't think I will be weighing tomorrow. I am trying very hard to do my pelvic floor exercises, but they don't work like they used to and it seems a lot harder to do. Maybe when I am not feeling tired and sorry for myself then I can sort out my eating and exercise. I was thinking of going out for some brisk walks with the buggy, get a bit of a sweat going. One thing that may hamper that is my pelvis. I can't believe that I am still having to nurse it nearly 7 weeks after giving birth. It burns in the front, stings on the left, clicks and just generally feels rather weak and uncomfortable, especially in bed. I have my check-up next week though so will talk about it all then.



Leo has his check-up and jab next week too. Not looking forward to the jab, although when he sticks his bottom lip out before he cries, it is so cute!



Couple of other things of note, Leo has inherited my sweaty hands and feet, poor thing, he still has a gooey right eye and a lump in his hand from where the cannula had tissued. He is also still producing a lot of boggies. It may be that my house is so dusty that it is clogging him up or he has a cold. Ellis has had a bunged up nose for over 2 weeks now so maybe it is just that.



Been dropping loads of hints about the "next" one, which we would call, Nugget, but Rob isn't having any of it. Maybe a bit too early to be trying to talk him into it. Give it a year or so and he might let me try for a girly. I think 3 would be amazing and I am sure I wouldn't push it for 4 as that then becomes very impractical.

I'm off to try and get 5 minutes nap while my boys are napping.

BOO HOO! - 6 WEEKS OLD

Leo was 6 weeks old today. Where has the time gone? He is growing so fast and changing all the time.

He really smiles a lot now, especially first thing in the morning after I have changed his nappy. He makes lots of sounds too and tries hard to copy me, or maybe it's me copying him.

He was weighed today at 10lb 10oz and is still following along the 50% line.

His feeding is still all over the place. The main pattern I suppose is lots of feeds in the morning, nap over lunchtime and awake in the afternoon, followed by lots of feeds over dinner time and into the evening.

I have been trying to put him down in his bed at night now and so far it is working OK. He pretty much doesn't settle down until 8-8:30pm.

He did cry himself to sleep today which is progress. It means that I don't always have to comfort him, for him to go to sleep. I sound really harsh I know but he only cried for 5 minutes. He also found his thumb a couple of times today so that helped him to settle himself.

The routine at the moment is I put Ellis in the bath, then dip Leo in and out, get him dressed and put him in his bed with the mobile on. I then wash Ellis and get him out, while running back and forth winding the mobile up. We all sit on the bed for story time and feed Leo. I usually have to break his feed to put Ellis into bed and then I have a shower before topping him up and then sitting with him while he slowly goes to sleep. I sometimes rock him a bit, or rub his belly and if he is really crying I give him cuddles and try to wind him.

Had a bit of a rough night with him last night. He woke 3 times for a feed and I changed his nappy once too. I don't seem to be feeling too tired during the day but come the evening I am sometimes too tired to talk to Rob.

I am a very happy mother right now. I love what I do and my kids are amazing. I still stare at both of them and can't believe I grew them, and they came out my body, and they are mine! It's the best feeling in the world.

What isn't a good feeling is how I feel about myself. I have been really struggling with my post pregnancy/birth body and it has been getting me down. It's only been 6 weeks I know but I just feel like everything should be back to normal by now, and I think Rob assumes it should be too. He has needs too but at the moment I'm just feeling too down about myself to make him happy.

I weighed today and I haven't lost a thing. I'm still rather heavy for me and I don't fit into any clothes which is horrible. I feel scruffy, frumpy and ugly everyday. I have to wear horrid bras that make my boobs look very saggy, my hair is falling out and has lost the pregnancy thickness, my skin is saggy, stretch marks look like the road map of London, my tear is still stinging when I urinate, I have piles, minging feet, and a slightly prolapsed bladder. Top all that with very little good sleep and you can probably see why I don't feel very attractive right now. I am attempting to eat better but it is very difficult. When I feel down all I want to do is eat more!

My relationship with Rob is definetly being hurt by my current mood but I don't think he realises that the way my body looks and feels is really bothering me. I miss my husband, my best friend, my companion but at the moment I have put up a brick wall so that I can cope with my life and I have no time or energy for all the fluffy stuff. I am sure things will improve in time.

Rob and I have been married 5 years this year and I really want to celebrate it. Even if it is just going out for a meal or something. Not sure what we will do about Leo though with regards to a baby sitter.

August did seem so far away but I keep forgetting that Ellis turns 2 in a few weeks time! I haven't planned anything or bought him a gift yet. Need to sort that out.

Off to play Sims 3 for a bit now and then bed.

ROUTINE - 5 WEEKS, 2 DAYS OLD

I realise I am falling behind with keeping up with this blog. I have been putting most of my information in Topflumps though.

The health visitor came again last week and weighed Leo. He was 9lbs 13oz! He is growing really well and following the 50% line on the growth chart. She was really pleased. It was the last home visit and I have to attend the local doctors surgery next Tuesday for another appointment.



Things are going OK. Leo has good and bad days. I think a lot of it depends on what I am doing and if I can give him all the attention (feeds) that he needs. Yesterday was a bad day and he cried himself hoarse at one point. I felt really guilty but I just couldn't do it all and he had to wait a little longer than I would have liked.

He still isn't in too much of a pattern with his feeds. Today he has pretty much slept the whole day and I have had to wake him for feeds. Yesterday he wanted to feed every hour. I think the weather plays a part in it though as he is having lots of small feeds.



He doesn't really like being put down too much. He loves cuddles, especially from me and does cry quite a bit some days. He is a lush baby though and I can't get over how cute and beautiful he is.

Last night I started doing a routine but already it is out of the window as he is still sleeping now when I should have bathed him and put him into bed. Anyway, last night I bathed him and fed him before putting him upstairs in bed. Then he woke about 15 minutes later so I fed him again in bed and put him straight back down after. That was about 8:30pm. He didn't wake then until 12:40am but then stayed awake until 1:50am. That was tough.

The next feed was at 5am and then again at 6am when Rob's alarm woke him woke. I left him to sleep on my bed while I had breakfast with Ellis and finally brought him down at 8am.



I have found this time around that I haven't worked out what cry means what. With Ellis I had that sussed quite early on so it was easy to sort him out and put him at ease earlier than I can with Leo. Leo really goes for it sometimes and I just don't know what it is, so I stick him on the booby to keep him quiet. He doesn't seem to complain about that.

The hot weather has been horrid. I love it to be hot, only when I am by a pool drinking cocktails with no one else to worry about except me. The kids have been constantly sweating and Leo has been a real worry especially at night as it is just so hot upstairs, even with all the windows open.

Leo hasn't been wearing any clothes for a few days now so I decided to go through some of his stuff as I know that he has outgrown newborn size already. I can see that Ellis' clothes are not going to fit him at the right times! The long sleeve t-shirts that I have are 0-3 which will be too small for him by the time he will need them. Doh! Will have to buy new of it all. Shame. ;o)

I had 2 piles for the baby clothes. 1 pile was to keep and the other was to give away. I'm not sure why I am keeping some, wishful thinking maybe, or it would just make me too sad to get rid of it all. I'm not ready to let go and that goes for my maternity clothes too.

Speaking of clothes, I have been going through mine as well. I had started to bag up all my maternity wear but I think I may need to keep it out! I am still quite big and I don't have anything suitable to wear at the moment. In fact I'm quite miserable about it all. I'm not helping myself though as I continue to eat crap and then moan about the size of my arms, ass and thighs. Need to sort it out and fast as I'm getting rather down about it which makes my eating worse.

Yesterday I had a bit of a hectic day and it wore me out. I woke up this morning aching! It was a very physical day as well as hot and stressful. I got through but I am feeling the after effects today. It helped that I went up my Mum's this afternoon and was looked after for a bit.

Rob has said that if I can get some expressed milk ready that he would have the kids so that I can go and treat myself. How nice would that be! I have been trying to express but it isn't easy to fit it into my day and also find it hard to even get it working. I will keep trying though as I need a break.

Been trying really hard to give Leo a bit more of my time, especially when Ellis is otherwise occupied as I don't want him to miss out. Plus I enjoy cooing at a baby.

I'm hoping this weekend we can all go swimming as a family but I'm not sure where we can fit it in. Rob wants Saturday to himself to do some tax return stuff so I am going out and Sunday we have Iestyn's birthday party. Rob will try and give Leo a bottle at some point though.

Leo was a month old on the 26th so I took some pictures of him. This is my favourite.



I really want to look into training up to be a midwife. I need to do that soon as I might need to enrol before September. I will have to see what it will involve first though as with Rob away etc it might not be possible for me to do it this year.

Leo has been asleep most of the afternoon which is unusual so I actually need to wake him for a feed. Will try and put him straight to bed but I'm sure he will be wide awake once I stir him.