FIRST TOOTH! - 17 WEEKS, 2 DAYS OLD

I cannot believe it but Leo has a tooth through already! It is only a little white dot but it is there. Oh God I hope he doesn't bite like Ellis did. It's horrid.



I'm doing okay I think. My bits seem to be improving and hopefully by my check up on 3rd October it will be all clear. Now that would be nice. I am feeling totally exhausted though. Leo still isn't sleeping all that well and even disturbed Rob last night which never happens. I suppose as he is teething, has a cold, just had his jabs, is probably going through a growth spurt, I can't really expect him to be sleeping through.

I really need to get pregnant again soon though before I loose all of my hair! It is ridiculous the amount that is coming out when I wash or brush it. It's quite scary really.

Leo is growing really well and I am finding it difficult to dress him at the moment as he seems to be a different shape to Ellis. I have to get the 6-9 month bag of clothes down this weekend to see what I have in there as 3-6 month seems rather limited. I think I may have got rid of quite a bit of stuff.



My diet/eating well officially started today. I am trying to stick to having sensible amounts of food and the right type of food. I'm still going to treat myself and I can't restrict calories until I finish breast feeding so for now I just have to hope that if I cut out my un-healthy snacking that I can loose a few pounds.

We received confirmation about our first family holiday today and I can't wait! It's going to be great being away as a family doing different stuff with each other every day for 4 days. I don't know how I'm going to fit everything into the car though. I had suggested we buy a roof box but Rob wasn't up for it.



We are going to get the high chair down from the loft at the weekend and I will soon sit him in up to the table at lunch times so that he can get used to it. I will buy him new spoons and cups though as Ellis' have all been very used. I'm also going to clear out the freezer ready for my purees. How exciting, NOT! I won't be doing it for a couple of months yet, 27th November to be exact but I should start getting ready.

It also won't be long before Leo's head is hitting the top of his crib. I am reluctant to put him in his big room yet so he will just have to manage for now.

His hair is growing well and he is very blonde. I'm sure there is Sainsbury's orange in it too but everyone laughs when I say that. He does have cradle cap but you can't really see it and it doesn't flake off yet so that's good.

He still has a blocked tear duct in his right eye and I can't remember how long it took for Ellis' to open but it did eventually. I bathe it regularly.

I'm off to watch one of my T.V. programmes, quickly followed by bed.

CONFUSED! - 16 WEEKS, 5 DAYS OLD

Eh? Me very confused. Happy but confused. Let me explain.

Thursday morning my Mum came over nice and early to take care of Ellis but I was running behind as there is a lot to do in a short space of time. Obviously I had to shower, shave me you know what, legs and paint my toe nails. I mean I was going to a private hospital so wanted to look half decent, including me private parts!

We arrived at the hospital and parked up. I was expecting Leo to want a feed so I didn't bother getting a cuppa which was supplied in the reception area. He didn't want one in the end so I missed out.

Mr Mcleod came into the reception and called me in. He didn't look like how I thought he would. I was a bit nervous but he soon put me at ease by acting more nervous than me. He was very reassuring and after he had read through my referral letter and taken a brief history, he asked me to lie on the table and cover myself with a sheet.

A nurse came in and put the light on and Mr Mcleod had a peek. Let me just re-cap. My GP had said stuff to me about surgery, about getting re-sutured, about having a local or a block to get it done, and that the skin tag would need to be removed. I had myself prepared for an unpleasant time of things. Mr Mcleod on the other hand said that I had a bit of scar tissue and the tag that would be causing me irritation would be cauterised off, there and then! My heart rate went up a bit and I started to sweat a bit more.

I was expecting a needle to numb the area and I immediately did my fear squashing breath. He had a plastic stick which was dipped into silver nitrate and he dotted on the area required. It was cold and his prodding hurt more than anything. It wasn't until I got up from the table that it really started to sting! It really hurt and I tried to have a wee but I just couldn't go, my bladder froze.

We made appointment to go back in 2 weeks for a check-up, but other than that I was told that it was all looking good down there and I would be able to have more children just fine.

The prolapsed bladder is okay too apparently. They wouldn't look to do anything with it until at least 6 months postpartum and even then they would start with physio rather than surgery, which I am already doing. They would also wait until I had finished having my family, obviously.

I left the hospital feeling rather dazed and confused. The fact that it wasn't as bad as I had been told and that the treatment was done there and then was all a bit surprising. I needed a sit down and a cuppa so we went to Leighton and Jaidan's house for a bit. I fed Leo and we went home.

So, in just over 2 weeks time I should be fighting fit! Hopefully.

Leo is still being a nightmare with his sleeping! I'm really not in tune with him at all yet and I feel like I don't know him sometimes. That must sound strange but I just don't seem to be able to flow with him if that makes sense and I think I constantly stress about routines, feeding times, napping, is he getting enough attention/stimulation etc etc. At 4 months old I had Ellis sat in his high chair so next weekend I'm getting Rob to get it down from the loft so we can do the same as we did before. I know I'm mental.

I was sat on the floor next to Leo on his play mat today and I was watching and playing with him until Rob sat on the floor too and I had a quick look at a Families in Bristol book. Rob then said look Mummy. He looked over the top of my book and little Leo had rolled over onto his belly! I missed it! I didn't get it on camera either. The excitement was very short lived but I'm sure as soon as he is doing it a lot I will be able to video him.

Leo is now sturdy enough to sit up in the double buggy, so I tried it out for the first time on Saturday. He seemed to like it. I also like that I still have the option to lie him flat to sleep if I want to. It's quite an adaptable buggy really, just a bit clumpy, heavy and fiddly.





Ellis was kindly reading to his brother this morning, very cute.



Here are a few more 16 week pictures.

Tried giving Leo a bottle again tonight. He didn't really like it and it's probably cause he hasn't seen one since he was 4 weeks old. I just don't have the time to sit for 30 minutes pumping milk. With Ellis I would express in the morning and give him the bottle in the evening. That would be quite a challenge now.

I can't believe I am 2 months away from weaning time! I 'm not looking forward to it and would rather give birth again, honestly! I will just have to be mega organised.

Need to sort out my eating as I am fat and frumpy. What I need the most is some exercise. Think I may have to buy a fitness video or something. If I can get my weight down a bit then I can buy some clothes and maybe I can stop looking like such a tramp all the time.

I'm off to bed, late again! I'll never learn.

16 WEEKS OLD

Leo was 16 weeks old today and the poor thing had to have 3 jabs! He was very brave but very upset and didn't calm down for a long time. It's horrible but I don't seem to struggle with it as much as some Mums. A lot of Mums cry about it but I just think he wont remember it and although it is horrible, it is for his own good. I don't like seeing him upset but it is short lived.



I was a lot more upset when I accidentally cut his thumb recently. I hate cutting his nails and I caught his skin again. He really, really cried, more so than he does with his jabs and his thumb bled for 45 minutes! Not nice and I was really upset and felt very guilty for ages, and so I should.

He was weighed today too at 14lbs 10 1/2oz which is right on the 50 percentile line.

I forgot to take the 16 week pictures today but I have some from my iPhone. They aren't that good so will take some more tomorrow.




Munk = milk drunk

Here is Ellis at 16 weeks old.







I did my measurements this morning and I wasn't all that pleased. To be honest I wasn't surprised as I seem to still be eating for 2. I'm not all that worried about it for now. I can wear my size 12 jeans again which is amazing so that keeps me happy. Hopefully once me bits are sorted I can start to feel a bit better about myself and get fit again.

Measurements:

Weight = 12st 5lbs (-1lbs from 4 weeks ago)
Tummy = 91cm (-2cm in 4 weeks)
Upper arm = 29cm
Upper leg = 62cm
Ankle = 24cm
Neck = 33cm

Leo has turned into a rather vocal little chappy and I love to spend my time talking back to him. I'm sure in a few years we are going to have some very in depth conversations about Dinosaur poo and stuff.



He is also doing rather well on his tummy and I'm sure it wont be long before he is rolling all over the place.



I have been trying to put him down in his cot for naps during the day and sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I'm not bothered really but just thought he might get more peace in his room. Will keep trying it for now.

I totally jinxed the sleeping thing recently as he is really waking up a lot at night now. The health visitor said he could just be going through a growing period. I said I was okay with it for now although last night was horrible. He woke at 12:30am, 2am, 4am and then 6am. He fed every time and went back down okay but it is hard work waking up and then trying to get back to sleep all the time.

The evenings are just as rubbish. Sometimes I have to go up and down the stairs 4 or 5 times to settle him down and/or top him up with a feed and wind him again. Would be nice for him to be in a bit of a routine again so that I could at least go out without worrying about him. I am out tomorrow evening for a take-away at Naomi's house but I have no idea what time I will be able to get there. It will totally depend on Leo. I hope he is good.

I just can't seem to get any sort of routine going with Leo. Feeds, sleep and naps are all over the place and I just know that this wont help him to be a calm baby. I learnt with Ellis that routine was key to a content baby. Looking back at the diary I did with him though, he wasn't a good sleeper at this stage either so will stick with it for now.

Having 2 children is a lot of work. I'm really exhausted a lot of the time and can be quite miserable from the lack of any quality sleep. The thing I find the hardest is switching roles, from being a mother of a newborn to a mother of a toddler. You have to be, treat and act differently for each role and sometimes it can be hard to go between the two. I find it frustrating more than anything as I just want to do my best and sometimes that just isn't happening. I know I can be hard on myself about it at times but the early years are so important for their future.

Although it would be completely mental, I would still like to add to our family. The idea of having a larger family is very appealing to me. I look forward to chaotic, noisy, crazy, Christmas', birthdays, holidays etc. Plus I would like to try for a girly. ;o)

I will try and get some more pictures of Leo to post tomorrow. I don't think I have missed anything out.

SAGA - 15 WEEKS, 6 DAYS OLD

What a nightmare! My appointment letter for the gyni clinic came through last Thursday and I was totally shocked by how long I would have to wait to even have a consultation. 17th October was the nearest date! By the time I had had the consultation, then the surgery, then recovered your talking over 6 months since I gave birth! That's just plain crazy!

So on Monday I called the GP and asked her to see if it could be moved forwards, I called the appointments helpline, no luck there, and I called the hospital direct too and still no luck. I called the GP back today (actually Tuesday not Monday but I'm doing this post before I do the 16 week entry which is for today, sorry if your confused by that) and was advised that the 17th October was all that was available.

After a brief discussion with Rob it was agreed that I should seek private medical care and so I asked my GP for a referral. They gave me a number to call which I did and I have been given an appointment with the same doctor for the 17th September, a full month earlier than NHS can provide. It's going to cost a lot (£200 for consultation alone) but it is definitely worth it.

Not looking forward to the appointment at all but hopefully in a couple of weeks this should all be behind me and I can get on with being semi normal again.

I need to think of a list of questions for the doctor. I'm hoping he can sort out my prolapsed bladder at the same time. I'm not sure if it is even possible but worth asking.

Ellis will be looked after by Mum but I think I will be taking Leo with me. Just easier that way.

Will do update once I've had appointment.

PHYSIO - 15 WEEKS OLD

I cried at the physiotherapist today. It's all just getting to me a bit at the moment. Having your bits examined regularly isn't very pleasant and it feels like it has been going on for ages now, and I just want it over. I mean I gave birth (yes I did it!) nearly 3 1/2 months ago!

I feel completely minging and all I want to do is comfort eat. I'm sulking and I need to snap out of it and fast.

The appointment was a bit of a waste of time but at least I came away with no questions left to ask.

We chatted for ages. I told her the new pooing position is a revelation for me and I am slowly spreading the word on how you should be doing it. We discussed the referral to the gyni clinic and she said she would call my doctor to try and find out when I should receive an appointment and she said she would try and chase the consultants direct too. She sounded like she really wanted to help me get things sorted, and fast.

We ran through all the exercises that I should be doing and she checked my stomach muscles again, saying they were good.

She didn't examine me as she said I need to recover from my surgery before she can perform any tests to check my bladder and pelvic floor muscle and we didn't even book a future appointment.

I did ask, amazingly, if I would be able to give birth again and she said it would be fine. I didn't ask details on how it would all work but I don't care about that, just needed to know that it might be possible.

I know I'm going through a lot of trouble with me bits at the moment but it appears to be a rare occurrence and most people come out the other side fine. I'm just one of those people that suffers through pregnancy and birth even though I really love it. I'm just extremely grateful and feel blessed that I was even able to get pregnant and have 2 healthy baby boys. I read a lot of infertility blogs and I really feel for those women. I can't even start to imagine what it would feel like to be infertile. When we didn't get pregnant the first month I was devastated! I really do consider myself very lucky.

Things will get sorted eventually and it will soon be a distant memory, hopefully.

SURGERY - 14 WEEKS, 6 DAYS OLD

Not really sure why but I have been putting off writing this entry. My last post was just before my doctors appointment a week ago.

My Mum stayed with Ellis and I took Leo to the doctors with me. I basically said I wanted her to have a good old look at me bits to make sure that nothing had been missed at the hospital. She had a proper rummage and said a few things.

The main thing is that she is referring me to the gynecological clinic as she thinks I need surgery to properly repair my tear. Having inspected it she said that it looks just like she would expect it to look the day after giving birth and she is unsure why it hasn't healed, and why it has healed the way it has. The way that it has healed has left a skin tag that is still very raw which has been inhibiting my sex life. What sex life!? With it being a bit sore down there we haven't even attempted it, poor hubby and now poor me!

I must point out that on a day to day basis it doesn't bother me and I'm not walking around in constant pain, and if I had my time again, I would still go for a vaginal delivery and not a c-section. The only thing I would change would be to have a stitch in the first place. I think I was so hung up on going the natural route that when they said I could have a stitch or not, I just thought I would rather go the natural route again, after all I had just had a natural labour and birth.



She checked my bladder and said she was happy with it although it is still slightly prolapsed, it isn't leaking! Too much information I know. I'm seeing my physio to work on that.



So now I wait. I wonder how long it is going to take to get an appointment? It's something I'm not really looking forward too and I can't wait to get it out of the way. I hope they do a good job of it.



Anyway I have the physio tomorrow and Charlotte and Faith are taking care of Ellis for me which is great as I don't really want him to see me having my bits examined. Will try and get some answers about the prospect of it getting better or not and if I will be able to give birth again, just in case.



As for Leo, he is a brilliant baby. He has started to laugh a lot and I have today found his ticklish spot. If you tickle his collar bones right under his chin he laughs until he gets hiccups.



He dribbles tons and I'm sure he has teeth right by the surface ready to come through. Ellis was an early teether so I'm expecting the same with Leo.



He hasn't been doing as much turning around on his mat recently but he does love to have a good wriggle on the floor and he loves bouncing in his door bouncer.



Leo recently slept in his big bed for the first time, and he managed to sleep in it again today around the same time that Ellis went down for his nap. If only they would both regularly sleep from 11am until 1pm! Wishful thinking.



His sleeping is still very up and down and I'm not going to worry about it until he is 6 months old. I'm demand feeding so if he demands it, he gets it even if it has only been 2 hours since his last feed. Every baby is different and Ellis fed loads more than Leo so I consider myself quite lucky that he goes sometimes 3 1/2 hours between feeds. He doesn't nap that much during the day, the odd 20 minutes here and there as he is woken up by Ellis quite a lot. Ellis either shouts or kisses him. He is also still doing the double feed thing at night and has recently started to wake up for the 2am feed again. It's a bit of a bugger when he doesn't want to go back to sleep but he usually feeds and goes back down okay.

He is regularly wearing proper clothes now rather than his grows, which are starting to look like pyjamas now anyway. For all the clothes I had for Ellis, there doesn't seem to be much left or the right stuff for this time of year. I keep putting him in the same things. Never mind, he doesn't care I don't mind.

Can't really think of anything else to mention for now. Will probably do an update after my physio appointment.

MOVER - 14 WEEKS

No words, will just let videos do the work. How lazy is that! I'm just too tired.