CONFUSED! - 16 WEEKS, 5 DAYS OLD

Eh? Me very confused. Happy but confused. Let me explain.

Thursday morning my Mum came over nice and early to take care of Ellis but I was running behind as there is a lot to do in a short space of time. Obviously I had to shower, shave me you know what, legs and paint my toe nails. I mean I was going to a private hospital so wanted to look half decent, including me private parts!

We arrived at the hospital and parked up. I was expecting Leo to want a feed so I didn't bother getting a cuppa which was supplied in the reception area. He didn't want one in the end so I missed out.

Mr Mcleod came into the reception and called me in. He didn't look like how I thought he would. I was a bit nervous but he soon put me at ease by acting more nervous than me. He was very reassuring and after he had read through my referral letter and taken a brief history, he asked me to lie on the table and cover myself with a sheet.

A nurse came in and put the light on and Mr Mcleod had a peek. Let me just re-cap. My GP had said stuff to me about surgery, about getting re-sutured, about having a local or a block to get it done, and that the skin tag would need to be removed. I had myself prepared for an unpleasant time of things. Mr Mcleod on the other hand said that I had a bit of scar tissue and the tag that would be causing me irritation would be cauterised off, there and then! My heart rate went up a bit and I started to sweat a bit more.

I was expecting a needle to numb the area and I immediately did my fear squashing breath. He had a plastic stick which was dipped into silver nitrate and he dotted on the area required. It was cold and his prodding hurt more than anything. It wasn't until I got up from the table that it really started to sting! It really hurt and I tried to have a wee but I just couldn't go, my bladder froze.

We made appointment to go back in 2 weeks for a check-up, but other than that I was told that it was all looking good down there and I would be able to have more children just fine.

The prolapsed bladder is okay too apparently. They wouldn't look to do anything with it until at least 6 months postpartum and even then they would start with physio rather than surgery, which I am already doing. They would also wait until I had finished having my family, obviously.

I left the hospital feeling rather dazed and confused. The fact that it wasn't as bad as I had been told and that the treatment was done there and then was all a bit surprising. I needed a sit down and a cuppa so we went to Leighton and Jaidan's house for a bit. I fed Leo and we went home.

So, in just over 2 weeks time I should be fighting fit! Hopefully.

Leo is still being a nightmare with his sleeping! I'm really not in tune with him at all yet and I feel like I don't know him sometimes. That must sound strange but I just don't seem to be able to flow with him if that makes sense and I think I constantly stress about routines, feeding times, napping, is he getting enough attention/stimulation etc etc. At 4 months old I had Ellis sat in his high chair so next weekend I'm getting Rob to get it down from the loft so we can do the same as we did before. I know I'm mental.

I was sat on the floor next to Leo on his play mat today and I was watching and playing with him until Rob sat on the floor too and I had a quick look at a Families in Bristol book. Rob then said look Mummy. He looked over the top of my book and little Leo had rolled over onto his belly! I missed it! I didn't get it on camera either. The excitement was very short lived but I'm sure as soon as he is doing it a lot I will be able to video him.

Leo is now sturdy enough to sit up in the double buggy, so I tried it out for the first time on Saturday. He seemed to like it. I also like that I still have the option to lie him flat to sleep if I want to. It's quite an adaptable buggy really, just a bit clumpy, heavy and fiddly.





Ellis was kindly reading to his brother this morning, very cute.



Here are a few more 16 week pictures.

Tried giving Leo a bottle again tonight. He didn't really like it and it's probably cause he hasn't seen one since he was 4 weeks old. I just don't have the time to sit for 30 minutes pumping milk. With Ellis I would express in the morning and give him the bottle in the evening. That would be quite a challenge now.

I can't believe I am 2 months away from weaning time! I 'm not looking forward to it and would rather give birth again, honestly! I will just have to be mega organised.

Need to sort out my eating as I am fat and frumpy. What I need the most is some exercise. Think I may have to buy a fitness video or something. If I can get my weight down a bit then I can buy some clothes and maybe I can stop looking like such a tramp all the time.

I'm off to bed, late again! I'll never learn.