16 WEEKS OLD

Leo was 16 weeks old today and the poor thing had to have 3 jabs! He was very brave but very upset and didn't calm down for a long time. It's horrible but I don't seem to struggle with it as much as some Mums. A lot of Mums cry about it but I just think he wont remember it and although it is horrible, it is for his own good. I don't like seeing him upset but it is short lived.



I was a lot more upset when I accidentally cut his thumb recently. I hate cutting his nails and I caught his skin again. He really, really cried, more so than he does with his jabs and his thumb bled for 45 minutes! Not nice and I was really upset and felt very guilty for ages, and so I should.

He was weighed today too at 14lbs 10 1/2oz which is right on the 50 percentile line.

I forgot to take the 16 week pictures today but I have some from my iPhone. They aren't that good so will take some more tomorrow.




Munk = milk drunk

Here is Ellis at 16 weeks old.







I did my measurements this morning and I wasn't all that pleased. To be honest I wasn't surprised as I seem to still be eating for 2. I'm not all that worried about it for now. I can wear my size 12 jeans again which is amazing so that keeps me happy. Hopefully once me bits are sorted I can start to feel a bit better about myself and get fit again.

Measurements:

Weight = 12st 5lbs (-1lbs from 4 weeks ago)
Tummy = 91cm (-2cm in 4 weeks)
Upper arm = 29cm
Upper leg = 62cm
Ankle = 24cm
Neck = 33cm

Leo has turned into a rather vocal little chappy and I love to spend my time talking back to him. I'm sure in a few years we are going to have some very in depth conversations about Dinosaur poo and stuff.



He is also doing rather well on his tummy and I'm sure it wont be long before he is rolling all over the place.



I have been trying to put him down in his cot for naps during the day and sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I'm not bothered really but just thought he might get more peace in his room. Will keep trying it for now.

I totally jinxed the sleeping thing recently as he is really waking up a lot at night now. The health visitor said he could just be going through a growing period. I said I was okay with it for now although last night was horrible. He woke at 12:30am, 2am, 4am and then 6am. He fed every time and went back down okay but it is hard work waking up and then trying to get back to sleep all the time.

The evenings are just as rubbish. Sometimes I have to go up and down the stairs 4 or 5 times to settle him down and/or top him up with a feed and wind him again. Would be nice for him to be in a bit of a routine again so that I could at least go out without worrying about him. I am out tomorrow evening for a take-away at Naomi's house but I have no idea what time I will be able to get there. It will totally depend on Leo. I hope he is good.

I just can't seem to get any sort of routine going with Leo. Feeds, sleep and naps are all over the place and I just know that this wont help him to be a calm baby. I learnt with Ellis that routine was key to a content baby. Looking back at the diary I did with him though, he wasn't a good sleeper at this stage either so will stick with it for now.

Having 2 children is a lot of work. I'm really exhausted a lot of the time and can be quite miserable from the lack of any quality sleep. The thing I find the hardest is switching roles, from being a mother of a newborn to a mother of a toddler. You have to be, treat and act differently for each role and sometimes it can be hard to go between the two. I find it frustrating more than anything as I just want to do my best and sometimes that just isn't happening. I know I can be hard on myself about it at times but the early years are so important for their future.

Although it would be completely mental, I would still like to add to our family. The idea of having a larger family is very appealing to me. I look forward to chaotic, noisy, crazy, Christmas', birthdays, holidays etc. Plus I would like to try for a girly. ;o)

I will try and get some more pictures of Leo to post tomorrow. I don't think I have missed anything out.

SAGA - 15 WEEKS, 6 DAYS OLD

What a nightmare! My appointment letter for the gyni clinic came through last Thursday and I was totally shocked by how long I would have to wait to even have a consultation. 17th October was the nearest date! By the time I had had the consultation, then the surgery, then recovered your talking over 6 months since I gave birth! That's just plain crazy!

So on Monday I called the GP and asked her to see if it could be moved forwards, I called the appointments helpline, no luck there, and I called the hospital direct too and still no luck. I called the GP back today (actually Tuesday not Monday but I'm doing this post before I do the 16 week entry which is for today, sorry if your confused by that) and was advised that the 17th October was all that was available.

After a brief discussion with Rob it was agreed that I should seek private medical care and so I asked my GP for a referral. They gave me a number to call which I did and I have been given an appointment with the same doctor for the 17th September, a full month earlier than NHS can provide. It's going to cost a lot (£200 for consultation alone) but it is definitely worth it.

Not looking forward to the appointment at all but hopefully in a couple of weeks this should all be behind me and I can get on with being semi normal again.

I need to think of a list of questions for the doctor. I'm hoping he can sort out my prolapsed bladder at the same time. I'm not sure if it is even possible but worth asking.

Ellis will be looked after by Mum but I think I will be taking Leo with me. Just easier that way.

Will do update once I've had appointment.

PHYSIO - 15 WEEKS OLD

I cried at the physiotherapist today. It's all just getting to me a bit at the moment. Having your bits examined regularly isn't very pleasant and it feels like it has been going on for ages now, and I just want it over. I mean I gave birth (yes I did it!) nearly 3 1/2 months ago!

I feel completely minging and all I want to do is comfort eat. I'm sulking and I need to snap out of it and fast.

The appointment was a bit of a waste of time but at least I came away with no questions left to ask.

We chatted for ages. I told her the new pooing position is a revelation for me and I am slowly spreading the word on how you should be doing it. We discussed the referral to the gyni clinic and she said she would call my doctor to try and find out when I should receive an appointment and she said she would try and chase the consultants direct too. She sounded like she really wanted to help me get things sorted, and fast.

We ran through all the exercises that I should be doing and she checked my stomach muscles again, saying they were good.

She didn't examine me as she said I need to recover from my surgery before she can perform any tests to check my bladder and pelvic floor muscle and we didn't even book a future appointment.

I did ask, amazingly, if I would be able to give birth again and she said it would be fine. I didn't ask details on how it would all work but I don't care about that, just needed to know that it might be possible.

I know I'm going through a lot of trouble with me bits at the moment but it appears to be a rare occurrence and most people come out the other side fine. I'm just one of those people that suffers through pregnancy and birth even though I really love it. I'm just extremely grateful and feel blessed that I was even able to get pregnant and have 2 healthy baby boys. I read a lot of infertility blogs and I really feel for those women. I can't even start to imagine what it would feel like to be infertile. When we didn't get pregnant the first month I was devastated! I really do consider myself very lucky.

Things will get sorted eventually and it will soon be a distant memory, hopefully.

SURGERY - 14 WEEKS, 6 DAYS OLD

Not really sure why but I have been putting off writing this entry. My last post was just before my doctors appointment a week ago.

My Mum stayed with Ellis and I took Leo to the doctors with me. I basically said I wanted her to have a good old look at me bits to make sure that nothing had been missed at the hospital. She had a proper rummage and said a few things.

The main thing is that she is referring me to the gynecological clinic as she thinks I need surgery to properly repair my tear. Having inspected it she said that it looks just like she would expect it to look the day after giving birth and she is unsure why it hasn't healed, and why it has healed the way it has. The way that it has healed has left a skin tag that is still very raw which has been inhibiting my sex life. What sex life!? With it being a bit sore down there we haven't even attempted it, poor hubby and now poor me!

I must point out that on a day to day basis it doesn't bother me and I'm not walking around in constant pain, and if I had my time again, I would still go for a vaginal delivery and not a c-section. The only thing I would change would be to have a stitch in the first place. I think I was so hung up on going the natural route that when they said I could have a stitch or not, I just thought I would rather go the natural route again, after all I had just had a natural labour and birth.



She checked my bladder and said she was happy with it although it is still slightly prolapsed, it isn't leaking! Too much information I know. I'm seeing my physio to work on that.



So now I wait. I wonder how long it is going to take to get an appointment? It's something I'm not really looking forward too and I can't wait to get it out of the way. I hope they do a good job of it.



Anyway I have the physio tomorrow and Charlotte and Faith are taking care of Ellis for me which is great as I don't really want him to see me having my bits examined. Will try and get some answers about the prospect of it getting better or not and if I will be able to give birth again, just in case.



As for Leo, he is a brilliant baby. He has started to laugh a lot and I have today found his ticklish spot. If you tickle his collar bones right under his chin he laughs until he gets hiccups.



He dribbles tons and I'm sure he has teeth right by the surface ready to come through. Ellis was an early teether so I'm expecting the same with Leo.



He hasn't been doing as much turning around on his mat recently but he does love to have a good wriggle on the floor and he loves bouncing in his door bouncer.



Leo recently slept in his big bed for the first time, and he managed to sleep in it again today around the same time that Ellis went down for his nap. If only they would both regularly sleep from 11am until 1pm! Wishful thinking.



His sleeping is still very up and down and I'm not going to worry about it until he is 6 months old. I'm demand feeding so if he demands it, he gets it even if it has only been 2 hours since his last feed. Every baby is different and Ellis fed loads more than Leo so I consider myself quite lucky that he goes sometimes 3 1/2 hours between feeds. He doesn't nap that much during the day, the odd 20 minutes here and there as he is woken up by Ellis quite a lot. Ellis either shouts or kisses him. He is also still doing the double feed thing at night and has recently started to wake up for the 2am feed again. It's a bit of a bugger when he doesn't want to go back to sleep but he usually feeds and goes back down okay.

He is regularly wearing proper clothes now rather than his grows, which are starting to look like pyjamas now anyway. For all the clothes I had for Ellis, there doesn't seem to be much left or the right stuff for this time of year. I keep putting him in the same things. Never mind, he doesn't care I don't mind.

Can't really think of anything else to mention for now. Will probably do an update after my physio appointment.

MOVER - 14 WEEKS

No words, will just let videos do the work. How lazy is that! I'm just too tired.

3 MONTHS OLD

Would you believe it, Leo rolled over on his 3 month birthday!



I jinxed things the other day by saying how Leo is sleeping through the night. To be fair, the last couple of weeks he pretty much sleeps from around 8pm until 6am which is really good, although the last 2 to 3 nights haven't been so good but this could be down to the fact that he seems to have a bit of a cold about him.

I'm still not sure what to do about his bed time routine. He is still a bit all over the place and he does this double feed thing. He basically feeds and goes to bed around 7, just after, and then before 8pm he will wake again. I wind him, put him down, he settles for about 5 minutes (enough time for me to make a cuppa) then wakes screaming again. I feed him again and this can go on for ages so obviously I have a cold cuppa waiting for me. He then pretty much goes through until 6/6:30am. For a 3 month old his isn't doing too badly.

2 days ago he found his hands. It is so cute to watch as he stares and studies these floaty things in front of his face. He often sits with his hands clasped together which is well cute.





I've given him more time in the Bumbo, more tummy time but he still needs more time in the door bouncer. Been a bit busy potty training recently so not had the time to give him the attention.







Here are Leo's 3 month pictures. Just a select few from the 1000's that I took.



















Ellis at the same age. They are starting to look different now I think.







Going to Ikea this weekend so hopefully I can post some videos/pictures of Leo's room all done. Fingers crossed anyway.

As for me, I'm exhausted. I'm still plodding along but it's been a rough ride the last few days. Ellis has been ill, potty training is full on and Leo has been demanding some attention, which is fair enough. I've been quite lonely and although my Mum is trying to help, it isn't the same as spending time with your best mate, my hubby. Luckily Lucy baby sat last night and we were able to go out for a meal together. We both had a lush time and even said on the phone today about how much we enjoyed it. It would be nice to do it more often but then I suppose it wouldn't be as special.

I have felt better today but on examining my bits this evening I was left disappointed as nothing seems to have improved. I am actually ready to resume some sort of sex life but I can't see how that would be possible just yet. I have the doctor next Wednesday and I will be asking her lots of questions. I hope to get things sorted out soon but I'm not sure what that means. Seeing as I would like to add to our family, how will this effect things if the opportunity ever was to occur?

I'm meeting up with my AB group tomorrow but not feeling that confident about it. Hopefully in the morning I will just do it and not think about it as I could do with seeing some adults.

Time for bed. Hopefully tonight Leo will sleep well as I could do with the rest, especially as I have been up blogging all evening and it is now 10:48pm! Way past my bed time.

POSITIVE - 12 WEEKS, 6 DAYS OLD

So after my last post I set about making positive steps towards making things better for little Leo. I put him in the Bumbo to watch us have breakfast and then gave him 10 minutes in the door bouncer. I have also included the video of when he went in it for the first time on Friday.

He also played on his mat and had tummy time a few times today. He is actually doing quite well with holding his head up and I will try and get it on video tomorrow.

I expressed a bit of milk this morning and I will try and give it to Leo in the morning, before expressing another one. I wanted to feed him in the evening but I would have difficulty warming up the bottle in time for his feed after I have put Ellis to bed. Too complicated and long winded to type out what I mean, but trust me when I say it wouldn't work right now. If I had a bottle heater upstairs then I could stick it in while I bath them then it would be ready for when I have finished. More money though!

I can't believe it but Leo is lacking in clothes to wear in this weather. Ellis' clothes at 3-6 months were for the middle of November so it is all long sleeved items, jumpers and thick clothes. There are a few things I can put him in but not a lot. I suppose I'm going to find that will happen a lot until Leo is a bit older. I expect for Christmas I will just get him some clothes and a few little personal presents.

Took Leo swimming again today. Dunked him like we always did Ellis and he didn't seem to mind. He wasn't really happy today though so I didn't keep him in long. Going to take the floating square support for him next time so I can have my hands free to play with Ellis too. I should be able to take them both on my own when Leo is a bit more sturdy.

Leo's hand, eye co-ordination is really good. He reaches out and grabs things which I find amazing at such a young age.

I e-mailed the Sing and Sign lady and also Debs about the music class so will hopefully have that sorted soon. I have asked my Mum if she thinks she will be able to help out with looking after Ellis while I do a class with Leo.

Been looking at cots for Leo and I think I have picked one from Ikea. http://www.ikea.com/gb/en/catalog/products/80108662 Might be able to get it this weekend which would be great.

Feeling more positive now and especially happy as I got a proper giggle out of Leo this morning. It was so lush! Can't wait until he is really laughing at loads of things.

My boys are mint!

FAILING - 12 WEEKS, 6 DAYS OLD

As I sit and watch my littlest Angel sleeping, I feel like I am failing him. This feeling comes after watching some old videos of Ellis last night. I realised that I am not doing anywhere near as much with Leo as I did with Ellis and it hurts me.

A few things that have been lacking:

music class - Ellis started at 12 weeks
tummy time - Ellis was already holding his head up nicely
Bumbo time
door bouncer time
mat time
chatting time

Daddy time - nothing can be done about this for now

being in a big bed in his own room - Ellis would occasionally have a nap in his big bed

practicing using a bottle for feeds - This was good for when I wanted to go out

I realise that by having a toddler who is potty training will effect my time I can spend with Leo but as far as I'm concerned, that isn't a good enough excuse. I know I can't do it all but I should, if that makes sense.

So this morning, Leo has had tummy time, been in the Bumbo, had time in the door bouncer and played on his mat. This afternoon I will attempt to e-mail Debs about the music class and will sign him up for Sing and Sign in January. I am also going to buy him a bed and get his room sorted out for him. I know it means I will have 2 cots but I don't care. Ikea sell them for £45 and I would buy a new mattress anyway so there is no saving there. Ellis is fine in his cot, which will eventually be used as a bed for Leo when Ellis has his big bed. Decision made, just need to buy it all now. Will try and do some research tonight.

Also, Ellis was going swimming once a week by now. We are going this afternoon and I am hoping that maybe my Mum could come with us regularly so that Leo can go in too. I will have to ask.

There are not enough hours in the day for me to do all that I want to do, nor do I have the energy to do it. Maybe there is no room for one more baby. :o(

12 WEEKS OLD

Leo was 12 weeks old today. Where has the time gone. I remember when I was waiting to get to 12 weeks pregnant and it seemed like 6 months, but the 12 weeks since he has been born have just flown by.



I still can't believe I gave birth and that I did it without pain relief etc. The whole process just amazes me and I would love to go through it again. It is very, very hard, pelvis pain, tiredness, hip pain, bad back, mood swings, feeling sick, uncomfortable, swollen everything, weight gain, stretch marks, not sleeping, sore boobs, hair growth, etc etc but to feel that little new life moving about and then seeing what you created just out weighs all the negatives.



Leo has now outgrown the sponge liner of his comfy chair so I have taken it out and he looks so much better now.





He is comfortably in all his 3-6 month vets, grows and outfits although some 0-3 outfits still fit him.

He is very dribbley just like Ellis so I had to relent and put a bib on him the other day.



We went to the health visitor today and he was weighed at 13lb 10 1/2oz, which is just above the 50% line. He is doing really well and the health visitor said keep up the good work with the breastfeeding.



I asked the HV about the scaly skin on his head which I thought was cradle cap. She could hardly see it so said that I should leave it for now but if it got worse, to use olive oil on it. I'm hoping it will just go on its own.

He had his 2nd set of jabs today and he obviously didn't like it but settled down quite quickly after it was done. Next time it is 3 injections! That is the worst one. Thankfully he wont remember it.

Well I did weight this morning and I was actually quite happy with the result. So happy in fact that I probably ruined it all by having cake, chocolate brownie and a Whole Nut, oops!

Measurements:

Weight = 12st 6lbs (-5lbs from 4 weeks ago)
Tummy = 93cm (-2cm in 4 weeks)
Upper arm = 29cm
Upper leg = 62cm (-1.5cm in 4 weeks)
Ankle = 24cm
Neck = 33cm

Still a long way to go to get back to what I was and to improve my fitness.

A couple of pictures of Ellis at 12 weeks.

BOUNCY - 11 WEEKS, 6 DAYS OLD

Leo slept through last night until 6am from 8pm so why do I feel so tired?

Been doing my pelvic floor exercises as often as I remember, which is quite a lot, I just hope it sorts out my bladder soon.

Been taking the pill for a week today and I had some blood this morning which was a bit strange. Not sure if it is a period or not.

My hair is really falling out now. It is everywhere! Leo's hair is coming out too and in the morning his crib has a big clump in it.

One bit of good news, my armpit hair growth is back to normal thank God!

Leo went in the door bouncer for the first time on Saturday. He really loved it but is probably still a bit young.



He is enjoying his mat a bit more now and talks away to all the hanging animals and rolls nearly onto his side now. His legs kick when he is excited and his arms go all over the place. He is still a really smiley baby which is lush.



He has outgrown the sponge in his chair so I need to remove that and clean the chair up a bit.

I was chatting to Rob yesterday about having another child, and that if we did, could we have a 4D scan done this time. He didn't say no but he did say that we find things hard as they are so how would we cope with another baby. I responded with the fact that he would hopefully be around more often which would make it so much easier, plus Ellis would be at school. He still didn't say no. ;o)

Been eating quite well the last few days and I am really trying. I will weigh tomorrow just to check if there has been any change. Can't wait to get into my normal clothes again.

Mum will be here soon as I need to go food shopping and it will be so much easier with another set of hands.

GREEDY - 11 WEEKS, 1 DAY OLD

I miss being pregnant. I miss feeling the movements, and even if I think really hard about it I can't actually remember what it felt like! How strange is that!? I've watched videos I took of Leo moving inside and I still can't remember it. It was so long ago now.

I was just looking at the below picture I took today and I can honestly say that 2 isn't enough. Yes I'm greedy and probably mental too but I can just see one more beebs laid next to them. If Rob is one day in agreement, then when would be a good time? I would definitely want to get fit as this would certainly help me to get through another pregnancy and I think I need to leave a while yet for my bits to heal properly. I like the idea of them being close together though. It would be wicked!



Leo is a lush baby boy. As long as his bum is clean, belly full with no wind he is so happy to just sit or lie anywhere watching the world go by. I try to talk to him all the time and give him cuddles as often as I can.

The breastfeeding as settled down although he still tends to feed every two hours starting at about 6am. From the 2pm feed I can usually stretch him until 5pm but it helps if I'm out and about.

He has this amazing smile that just lights up your life and an incredible frown which makes me laugh every time.

I love being a Mummy and I love my boys.

THE PILL - 10 WEEKS, 6 DAYS OLD

Started taking the pill again today. Not sure why I chose today but I just did.



Had a look at me bits yesterday and things seem unchanged which doesn't make me feel very nice. It isn't really early days anymore as far as I'm concerned but the doctors keep telling me not to worry and that it will get better.

Leo is progressing really well. His hand, eye co-ordination is coming along nicely and he regularly tries to grab for things in front of him.







He is still being a really good baby although he has his days when he needs a lot of attention. I just put it down to a growing day and he needs more feeds than normal.





He fell asleep on the changing mat this morning for the first time. I stood looking at him (and sniffing him) for ages and I can't get over how much he has grown already. He has really filled out nicely.





I am supposed to be weighing myself and doing measurements next Tuesday (not tomorrow) but I don't think I can because I know the results are going to be bad.

When I'm ready I have a plan of what I am going to do. First of all, increase my water intake, decrease tea intake. Then I'm going to add way more fruit and veg to my diet and cut out all the cakes and biscuits I've been having. Then I'm going to start going for walks with the buggy and walking quickly to build up a sweat. I will take it steady to start with as I still wake up with a sore pelvis some mornings.

I'm so tired! Off to bed me finks.

UPDATE - 10 WEEKS, 3 DAYS OLD

Today I had 2 different people tell me that they think Leo is starting to look more like me.





I haven't done a blog entry for ages, so here is a video entry, done in 2 parts, followed by some recent pictures and videos which are self explanatory.



Part 2 is a continuation but I couldn't stitch the 2 videos together.

































I will try to do more entries.